


The Universe Can't Handle Them

by alchemicink



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Doctor Who AU, M/M, featuring a silly hat because why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 16:18:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5170349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alchemicink/pseuds/alchemicink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamada is beginning to think letting the Doctor introduce Chinen Yuri to Jack Harkness was a bad idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Universe Can't Handle Them

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blinking_post](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blinking_post/gifts).
  * Inspired by [First Stop: Anywhere](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4888339) by [blinking_post](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blinking_post/pseuds/blinking_post). 



> My friend wrote [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4888339/) Doctor Who au where Yuto is the Doctor and Yamada is his companion, and we sort of joked that universe probably couldn't handle the combined egos of Chinen and Jack Harkness hanging out together. So then I decided to write a bit of it for her ^_^

Disappearing into the crowd is usually an easy thing for Yamada Ryosuke. His many years as a popular idol have given him lots of experience running away from the paparazzi, overzealous fans, and even once from the police—although that last one hadn’t been his fault. But, of course, Yamada quickly discovers that it’s hard to disappear into the crowd when it consists of aliens that only vaguely resemble humanoid form. 

“Get to the TARDIS,” the Doctor shouts, and Yamada thinks he’s entirely too comfortable with the situation, but nevertheless, Yamada continues to admire his lanky frame that somehow still moves with grace as they sprint to safety. The image is ruined by the ridiculous hat resembling a bowl of fruit resting atop the Doctor’s head, but Yamada’s willing to ignore it for the moment. 

Chinen is the first to make it back to the TARDIS, wrenching open the bright blue door and flinging himself inside. The Doctor is next but he waits outside until Yamada safely crosses the threshold. Finally, the last of their group, Jack Harkness, bringing up the rear, reaches the edge of the blue police box that isn’t really a police box. He slams the door shut before their angry pursuers can catch up and then he stows away his gun for safekeeping. 

Trying to catch his breath, Yamada leans against one of the railings and observes the Doctor at the controls, waving his hands with extra flourishes as he pushes buttons and pulls levers. Chinen comes over and leans his head on Yamada’s shoulder as he tries to catch his breath. It’s the adrenaline rush probably because he and Chinen dance so much they’re both in excellent shape. 

“So kids,” the Doctor begins with a cheeky grin, “I think we all learned an important lesson today. Do you know what it is?” He looks like he expects actual answers but it’s sort of hard to take him seriously while he’s still wearing the fruit hat.

“Never play your trump card before the last hand?” Chinen tosses out as a joke. 

“Never get involved in a land war on Skaro?” Jack adds with a grin that could match the Doctor’s. 

“Never leave Chinen and Jack alone with a room full of important government officials because one will flirt with them and the other will insult their intelligence?” Yamada says in an unamused tone. He rolls his eyes at them because that’s exactly what had happened to cause the group to be chased off the planet.

“Wrong, wrong, and wrong,” the Doctor answers, his sing-song voice echoing off the walls. “The answer is never run away with your shoes untied.” He glances at everyone’s feet. “See? We all did great. Crises averted. Well, I mean, other than the fact that we can’t ever go back to that planet ever again.” 

The TARDIS whirls through time and space, and Yamada listens to the clunky sounds of the engine as they travel. Over in the corner, Chinen and Jack are talking, laughing about something together. Yamada assumes they are probably plotting the next way to make his life more difficult. 

This was the fourth planet they’ve had to flee from this week because of those two. The Terrible Trio, he’s taken to calling them. (The third part of the trio being their collective egos) He really never should have let the Doctor introduce them to each other.

The Doctor brings them back to Tokyo since he and Chinen have to film a variety show but the calculations are off and they end up getting there five hours early. Yamada suggests that Chinen show Jack that really tasty crepe stand down the street. He thinks he probably shouldn’t unleash the two onto an unsuspecting Tokyo, but he really needs a break.

He locks the door behind them without regrets and goes back to watching the Doctor move around. The Time Lord has finally removed the silly hat of fruit and is in the process of eating the grapes off of it while he hums happily to himself.

A knock on the door interrupts his train of thought. 

“Hey, who locked the door?” Jack’s voice comes through muffled from the other side. 

“Don’t open it,” Yamada protests but the Doctor has already swung the door open, gesturing widely for them to step back through. 

“I forgot my jacket,” Chinen explains as he bounces inside. He sweeps it up, grins like the famous pop idol he is, and then disappears outside again. 

Yamada sighs and the Doctor comes over to sit beside him. “Apple for your thoughts?” he offers, holding the fruit out for him to take. 

“Do you think perhaps,” Yamada begins between bites, “that maybe Chinen and Jack together in the same room is too much for the Universe to handle?” That’s the nicest way he can think to say it. 

The Doctor looks pensive as he considers that possibility for a moment. He stares intently at the orange in his hand like it might spontaneously combust. “But we’ve been having such crazy adventures lately. I’ve even cut my record for sprinting to the TARDIS in half already.” 

“It’s been fun,” Yamada admits, “but consider this. I think maybe that Chinen and Jack teaming up as friends might be more formidable than if the Daleks teamed up with the Cybermen. Remember last week when they accidentally scratched up a priceless antique heirloom because they were joking around? Or remember when they messed up the controls in the TARDIS because they were having some sort of button-pushing contest? And remember when they _caused_ the Great Chicago Fire?”

“That reminds me that I have to go back and fix that,” the Doctor says as an aside before he continues. “But yes, now that you put it that way, I think you’re totally right,” the Doctor nods as if he’s reached some sort of vital scientific breakthrough. “The Universe simply can’t handle the two of them together for extended periods of time. And I don’t want to be responsible for ripping a hole in the fabric of space… again.” He narrows his eyes as if he was trying to shake away the memory.

Yamada can’t help but laugh a bit at that. “Travelling with Chinen and Jack is fun but I really enjoy just travelling with you,” he admits, almost shyly. His life is a whirlwind with the Doctor, even more so than his life as an idol. But he loves every bit of it. 

“I’ll tell you a secret,” the Doctor whispers and leans close, wrapping an arm around Yamada’s shoulder. “You’re my favorite companion. Don’t tell the others.” 

Before Yamada can respond, the Doctor jumps back up with an excited glint in his eye. The coat he’s wearing swishes with the sudden movement and Yamada again marvels at his lanky graceful movements as he moves to rest his long fingers on the controls. 

“How about an adventure? Just the two of us?” 

“Right now?” Yamada raises his eyebrows. “Are you sure we can leave them alone for that long? What if we return to Post-Apocalyptic Neo Tokyo?”

“You’ve been reading too many manga lately,” the Doctor laughs. “We’ll be back before the Universe unravels.” He’s already showing off with unnecessary hand flourishes as he brings the TARDIS to life. “Have you ever wondered how they built the ancient pyramids in Egypt?” 

Yamada gives him a wry smile. “Are you going to tell me it was aliens?” 

The Doctor grins back. “ _Of course_ , it was aliens.”


End file.
